Vasculitis 2: The Revenge

 I feel I can write this now without the fear that I'll be jinxing anything.

But picture the scene:

There's a pandemic on, you haven't really left the house except to buy food, you have an ear infection.

I've been getting these recurring ear infections over the last two years or so, my outer ear would become very painful, swollen and red, I'd go to the doctor, he'd prescribe antibiotics and the infection would go away in a week or so.

I have another infection, but this it's switched from my right ear to my left, bit odd, but I guess that can happen. I call the doctor, he prescribes antibiotics over the phone, I go take them. A week or so later, my ear is no better, I now go see the doctor in person, a blood test is done. Uh oh cheerios, these blood test results don't look so good, better refer you to rheumatology. Oh hey, it's my old rheumatologist and ohhh, oh no, it's not an ear infection at all. My vasculitis is back baby, and is attacking my ears and seemingly my kidneys? Better refer you to the kidney doctors and ENT doctors as well. Whilst you're at it, have a CT scan, okay?

So all of that gubbins to get to where I am today. My vasculitis has relapsed, I'm back on prednisolone which I haaaate with a burning passion. On the plus side, the kidney doctor isn't particularly worried about my kidneys, so that's a plus. ENT doctor doesn't want to see me unless my ears blow up again. Makes sense, there's nothing to look at otherwise.

I had a CT scan to make sure the vasculitis wasn't causing any unseen havoc on my insidey bits, there was a particular concern about my windpipe being affected, but from a vasculitis side of things, my CT scan came back all clear! What a relief!

But I do be having a lump in my right boob.

I wasn't anxious about the vasculitis returning, I've been there, done that, got the scars. I feel well in myself and that's a huge bonus from last time when I spent 4 months in hospital. But for the first few days after hearing about my boob lump and being referred to the breast clinic, I was okay, I told myself it was highly likely to be benign and statistically, I was moderately low risk.

But then, the 3am reading starts. Maybe it's the just the way I handle things, but I read everything I could about breast cancer, completely devouring websites and downloading pdf leaflets in the dead of night, convincing myself more and more that, yes, I definitely had breast cancer because I am just that unlucky. I didn't sleep a lot for about two weeks straight, because I spent all night worrying about it.

I go to the breast clinic, I have an ultrasound and a biopsy is taken there and then. I go home. Truthfully, the worst part of all of this was waiting. I would have happily taken a positive diagnosis if I got said diagnosis much sooner. I don't wish to sound flippant or be dismissive of breast cancer, I know this is a devastating illness that steals so many lives. But I wasn't afraid of treatment, I've been through surgery and pain, none of that would be new to me. I rationalised in my mind, that if, according to Cancer Research UK, 1 in 2 people born in the UK would be diagnosed with cancer, then why not me? I would much rather face breast cancer than have any of my friends or family do so. This isn't some self-sacrificing thing, on the contrary, I am very selfish, I want my friends and family to be okay.

Turns out, it was benign after all and I had just spent all that time and energy worrying about it like a complete dumbass. Oh well, time to put this whole sorry affair behind me. Except, my mum's been called back after a routine mammogram and in my completely rational mind, this was my fault: that 1 in 2 chance, that coin had been flipped, and it wasn't me with breast cancer then it must be my mum. There goes another week of worrying and not sleeping.

After all that, it was a shadow on the boob. Not even a lump. What a drama queen.

I'm a pretty girl, I'm stunning

So where are we now? I still have vasculitis, my ears have yet to fall off and I don't appear to be in any danger of my trachea collapsing and suffocating me any time soon. You win some, you lose some. 

On simpler times

Once again, I have been reminded that I've paid for this domain and my god, I will at least post once a year to make it worth it.

Speaking of years, do you remember 2019? Those were the days when we were allowed out of the house and could go to the pub, eat out and get pushed up against sweaty bodies at concerts. I can't say I miss the sweaty bodies, and there's nothing technically stopping me from going to the pub, but... that's where all the corona is.

Seeing that the last time I posted, I was talking about my trip to Brussels (remember when we could go on holiday?!), I will briefly sum up some nice, positive things that happened in 2019 that my sleep-deprived brain can remember.

1. bought a car
   One fateful morning, I was doing my usual search on Autotrader, during working hours, ofc, when I saw it, the Hyundai i10 of my dreams, not only that but she was next door at the car dealership over the road. I popped down at lunchtime to take a look and told myself that I would not be buying the first car I saw. Reader, I then immediately bought the first car I saw. The amount of personal freedom owning a car has brought me, I genuinely regret not learning to drive sooner, but better late than never, or something.
   
   
   
   since then I've managed to scrape both wing mirrors in two separate multi-storey car parks
   
   
2.  saw BTS at Wembley
   Saw my emotional support kpop boys for the second time, (and I should have seen them a third time if it weren't for Miss Rona...), they were excellent as always and I spent most of the weekend queueing for things and it was very hot.
   
   
   
   low-quality photo of high-quality men
   
   
3. went to Amsterdam
   the 30th birthday celebrations continued when Kelly and I took the Eurostar to Amsterdam, it was great! Ate a lot of food, went to the Anne Frank house, spent too much in the Miffy store, ate more food, didn't consume any whacky baccy and spent the entire train journey home really wanting a sausage roll. Classic.
   
   
   
   so pretty
   
   
4. got a new elbow
   my plastic surgeon finally fit me in to sort my left elbow out, it's not a new elbow in the way that folk get new knees, but rather in same way that you might get a new nose. where there was a massive dent in my elbow, it has now been smoothed out and it looks so much better. This was done last October. I am still waiting for my 6 week follow up appointment (thanks corona).
   
   
   
   here, I had just woken up and immediately took a selfie.
   
   
5. got a new job
   We knew for a long time that we were due to go through a restructure and that there would be some job losses, but as a service, we thought we would get by mostly unharmed. Boy, were we wrong. Both my seconded and substantive posts got deleted and the best they could offer me was a role for less money a year, and because I was seconded I would not qualify for one year's protected pay. To say it felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth would be an understatement. And then the exact same job as mine, for more cash money came up at a different authority, so I applied, got it and promptly fucked off. Public sector 4 lyfe, baybeeee.

And that really is the highlights of my 2019.
2020, so far, has been a journey and I'm not just talking about the 'rona. but that's another story for another day, maybe I'll actually write about it sometime before August 2021.

until then, wash your hands and wear a mask,