New Year, New Spreads

In my world, the week will always begin on a Monday. Sunday is part of the weekend and the clue's in the name.

By that logic, I'm still doing good on one 'post at least once a week' thing, if I post this today.

I don't have much in the way of content, so here's some quick, dirty bujo spreads:

I went for a purple theme because the 2018 colour of the year is Ultra Violet. Or something like that.

trying a different layout for a bit. I'll see how I get on with it.

My hands are too cold to keep typing, so bye bye for now!

New Year Resolutions 2018

2017 has ended and I proved to myself yet again my inability to maintain a blog, but it got to the point sometime in November where I just thought "fuck it, it'll be January soon enough" new year, new start and all that.

Not that during my absence I've put any thought into what I want this blog to about, so for now, it'll just be me posting different seemingly unconnected things until I settle into something.

2017 is the first year since my illness where I'm feeling I'm finally getting to who I'm supposed to be. It got off to a rocky start, I ended up back on anti-depressants and my overall physical and mental wellbeing was so astoundingly low, but from June onwards, this year has been so much better for me. 

The biggest thing, when looking back, is my weight or should I say it's no longer the biggest thing about me anymore?

(it probably still is, technically)

Say what you will about diet clubs like Weight Watchers or Slimming World, but since joining Weight Watchers, I've noticed massive changes in myself. The biggest being losing 43lbs, or just over 3st. I still want to lose another 20lbs or so before reaching goal weight, but I'm ready really happy with my progress and like I've said elsewhere, I'm beginning to like who I am.

I've always had issues with self-esteem and most of that stems from the unfortunate truth that I am ugly and have been overweight since puberty. There's not a great deal I can do about the structure of my face, but I can lose weight. I'm starting to look in the mirror and like what I see, I'm not 100% there and there are still days where I still feel I look like a giant sentient potato, but every now and again, there are moments where I think I look good.

Maybe it's the outfit I'm wearing, or I did my makeup particularly well that day or the current lighting is just forgiving, but the combination of all these factors just falling into place makes me think that sometimes, just sometimes, I look alright.

The number of selfies on my phone has increased exponentially over 2017. I should be embarrassed.

I like losing weight, I like liking what I see in the mirror, I like being able to wear smaller dress sizes, I love that my confidence has increased tenfold. And if I get all of this from joining a diet club then what's the problem??

There are other good things that have happened that don't revolve around my appearance, one being my learning of SQL. This time last year I had very minimal knowledge of any sql, I knew you had to select column from table and that was about it that.

Then I was thrown into a business trip down south where my only purpose was to write sql and make reports work. That first morning I was so overwhelmed, I was in over my head, I had no idea what I was doing and I'll admit that. Then something clicked and then I just got it. Since then, I've spent a significant amount of my working hours writing sql, and copy and pasting from Stack Overflow. But I enjoy it, even if it frustrates me sometimes to no end, I love the feeling when I finally get a tricky bit of sql to actually work.

I'm a huge nerd. So sue me.

of course, there have been smaller achievements/good things that have happened this year: I got a new tattoo, got some new ear piercings, learnt to make up better (relatively, I'm still pretty poor) and maybe most importantly, I got a permanent position at work.

Now for my personal resolutions for the new year

My New Years Resolutions for 2018:

Get to goal weight: this year I'm going to be at a healthy weight for the first time since being a teenager, easily. as mentioned above, I've only got 20lbs to go to get to goal and I know I can do it.

Post on here more often: can I go a whole year of posting at least once a month? (because, you know, that by itself will be an improvement from what I'm currently doing) I'm going to try to aim for at least once a week though.

Learn to drive:  my bff and parents bought me driving lessons for Christmas, and my very first lesson is booked in for the 3rd January. I don't know if 12 months is a reasonable time to try and pass my test, but just getting lessons in is a strong start. At the very least, I hope to pass my theory test this year.

Be better

And there we have it, let's hope for better days in 2018.

Five Good Things this August

August was an odd month for me this year, as previously mentioned, I turned 28 and got hospitalised for tonsillitis on the same day. Then not even a week later, I had to attend my uncle's funeral down south.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

1. New Tattoo
Seeing that this blog didn't exist at the end of July, and I got my tattoo at the very end of July, I'm totally counting it and you can't stop me.

Since I had my skin grafts done, I knew I wanted a tattoo to cover the donor site once it had healed. I just didn't know what exactly I wanted doing. Then Star Wars The Force Awakens came out and then somewhere down the line I realised I wanted sweet, pure, innocent cinnamon roll BB8 for my tattoo.

Then I proceeded to do absolutely nothing about it for the best part of around 18 months until one of my colleagues recommended an artist and as soon as I saw his work on Insta, I knew he was The One. So to speak.

I was very excited and nervous about the whole thing, I had my last tattoo done over seven years ago whilst at university and I worried that I was downplaying how much it hurt in my mind.

I imagine it's like being scratched repeatedly by an angry cat. I wouldn't know. I haven't got a cat.

So here he is in all his freshly tatted glory!

So thank you again to Mr Stickypop, who did an amazing job and was a generally cool guy and I will definitely be seeing again. Because I need touch ups.

2. New Ear Piercings
On a similar sort of body modification theme, I got second piercings in each of my lobes. This may surprise anyone who knew me around the time I got my first set done, considering the amount of moaning I did after I got my ears pierced: it hurt way more than I was told it would, I was afraid of taking my earrings out, I got grossed out whenever I changed my earrings, I didn't like the way I could feel dangly earrings tugging on my lobes, I left my earrings out for a long time and was terrified my ears had healed over and I'd have to restab myself with one of my studs.

There was a lot of complaining.

Maybe getting a new tattoo has made me bold, but one Tuesday lunch time at work, I'm mulling over getting a second set of lobe piercings, before walking into a piercing parlour after work and getting it done. I'm wilding.

Still not down with cartilage piercings tho.

(trying to photograph my own ear was super hard guys)

3. Losing Weight
I joined Weight Watchers a little over a month ago, I know I've been overweight for most of my life and I hate it. The idea of 'body positivity' and 'fat acceptance' has never sat well with me. I don't want to be like this and I hate the way I look.

So far I've lost 20lbs. And I genuinely can't tell when I look in the mirror, as far as I'm concerned I look the same but I know I must be losing weight somewhere because my clothes are falling off me.

4. Fitting into a Smaller Dress Size
I bought a size 16 dress this month. Size 16! I don't remember the last time I was a size 16, I've been hovering around 18/20 for as long as I can remember. And now I own about seven whole items of size 16 clothing. Incredible.

I've gotten such a buzz from knowing I can fit into smaller clothing and it's really spurring me on to keep on doing what I'm doing.

5. Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones has finished for another series and none of my faves died! Yayyy!

Of my 28th birthday

Earlier this month I turned 28 years old. On that same day, I was hospitalised. It was my body's refusal to keep down any oral antibiotics for tonsillitis that left me hooked up to an IV for a few days.

It happens.

Being in hospital again (yes, again) made me think about myself and what I'm doing. I have two years before I turn 30 and I'm barely adulting at the best of times. I can't cook, I can't drive, I have a savings account but Lord knows there's next to nothing in there and then I look on Facebook and see all the folk I used to go to school with and they're all getting married, having children, buying houses and I'm just over here, standing still. 

I don't particularly want to get married or have children so what am I getting envious about? 


So I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to try and implement some positive change in my life, learn to cook a handful of meals, start driving lessons, get back into bullet journaling. Hell, I'll take just writing more frequently and being able to maintain a blog a minor victory.

Wish me luck.

Or don't. I can't tell you what to do.