On turning 29

After three whole months, I have re-risen from the dead. I'm doing great at this blogging thing. But recently Paypal kindly notified me I had automatically paid to renew my domain registration and I thought "ah shit, I better put that to some use then".

I suppose one of the biggest things to have happened to me since the last time I could be bothered to post is that I turned 29. A year closer to 30 and a year closer to my inevitable untimely death and the tender age of 50. That aside, I had a nice birthday, I got a weighted hula hoop that I wanted, mum made me a mini afternoon tea which, of course, was all 0 smart points on one's birthday, followed by a meal out for tapas and gin.

all 0sp. amazing!

So, now is a good as time as any to check out my 30 before 30 list and see how well I'm doing...


1. Get a permanent job
Not only did I get a permanent job I have since been promoted, but that's not technically started yet so I have yet to see that sweet, sweet cash flow increase.

2. Get to goal weight
in progress!

3. Finish novel

4. Learn to cook at least five meals from scratch
in progress!

5. Improve Korean skills
in progress!

6. Take the TOPIK exam

7. Learn to drive
in progress!

8. Own a car.

9. Go on holiday abroad

10. Get a new tattoo
Say hello to my Porg...

11. Dye my hair pink

12. Take a yoga class

13. Have at least three months' salary in savings

14. Improve SQL skills.
technically this would be an ongoing thing with no set goal, but even I can tell that my SQL skills are so much better than they were when I started this list so, I'll give myself that.

15. Learn Python

16. Clear out belongings and try to live more minimalistically

17. Skydive

18. Learn lettering

19. Have a spa day

20. Learn how to do a French plait. On myself.

21. Sew a dress

22. Go to a concert of someone I've never seen before
in progress!

23. Get a manicure

24. Take more photos

25. Relearn ukulele

26. Get better at swimming

27. Make and sell my own pin.

28. Learn a new craft
I went to a ragrugging workshop last November. Have I used it since? No. Did I technically learn a new craft? Yes.

29. Get a pet

30. Not get hospitalised again


that's what? 5/30? Yikes, I need to pick up the pace here guys. A few things I hope to cross off by the end of this year, like learning to drive and making five meals from scratch and I'll be seeing BTS in concert soon so that's very exciting.

Truth be told, I'm not 100% hopeful I'll cross off all thirty, I'm not sure I'll really get round to relearning the ukulele or getting better at swimming. At least it's more likely than something like "own property". Not in this economy.

BTS: a primer

Literally days after I declared I wasn't going to spend money unnecessarily this month, my kpop darlings, BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan to their mothers, I'm assuming), announced they were dropping a new album next month. Needless to say, I pre-ordered that shit (and so did several other folks).

Then they announced UK tour dates, so that's me about to throw more money at them. At this rate, I might as well just set up a standing order directly into their bank account.

Point is, I asked my bestie if she wants in. She hasn't said 'no' and that's good enough for me! So for her benefit, probably because she will be the only other pair of human eyes to read this, here's a primer.

A musical primer, because I already made a powerpoint slideshow in ironic comic sans.


We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2 (2 Cool 4 Skool, 2013)
Controversial opinion time: I prefer this over debut song No More Dream, but that's just me. It's back from their early days of being 2edgy4me and thug and it's a bit cringe but I also find it stupidly endearing at the same time. I've included it more as a 'this is where they started, compare to where they are now' kinda thing. Also, I really hope they perform this in London (they won't) because I want to hear 20,000 voices scream out "IREUMEUN JUNGKOOK SEUKEIREUN JEONGUK" in unison.

Tomorrow (Skool Luv Affair, 2014)
It's an album track from when BTS began moving away from their thug lyfe image and more into "the school system sucks and the future is hopeless" era. It's also a better song for letting their vocalists actually sing and not that weird growly shit that cannot have been good for their vocal chords in earlier songs.

I Need U (The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Pt 1, 2015)
An absolute banger, the breakout hit they were desperately seeking and the beginning of the aesthetic narrative that we are still in here in 2018, and no, we are still none the wiser over what any of this means. Also, for a song about needing a girl, there's a distinct lack of girls in the music video.

Run (The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Pt 2, 2015)
The song that sucked me into this whole mess all those years ago, though partly because of the aesthetic af music video and me wanting to know what the fresh hell is going on. Also, to me, this song feels like it should be an anime op for some shounen series or something.

Blood, Sweat and Tears (Wings, 2016)
What a fuckin' tune!!!! If I'm ever not jamming to this, assume I am dead. This was my first proper comeback with BTS and what a comeback it was, in the weeks leading to the album's release, a series of short films teasing the album and vaguely tying into the continuing narrative were released and again, they don't make a great deal of sense but are aesthetic af. Here's Jimin's because I'm biased but also because that transition from the bathtub to the bed fucks me up in the best possible way.

Spring Day (Wings: You Never Walk Alone, 2017)
Ahh, my favourite song thus far. What are the lyrics even about? The Sewol ferry incident? The suicide of a loved one? Depression? Just straight up missing someone? I like the depression route because of the lyrics "no season, no darkness can last forever" and that really resonated with me. If BTS perform this in London, then a bitch will cry* and that bitch is me.

*I probably won't actually cry, but I will be feeling it, ya feel?

Go Go (Love Yourself: Her, 2017)
It's a really fun song about mocking folk for taking Yolo a bit too literally and spending all their money on useless shite, and honestly, I'm feeling so attacked right now??? Just @ me next time.

Other Songs (solo works, covers, remixes) I feel like mentioning because it's my blog and I'll do whatever I want.

We Don't Talk Anymore Pt. 2 (Jimin and Jungkook, 2017)
A cover of the Charlie Puth/Selena Gomez song that took a boring het love song into a bisexual anthem and is 200 times better than the original. Maybe I'm biased though? Recently, whilst sitting in a McDonald's around 3:30am, the Charlie Puth/Selena Gomez version started to play, and I turned to my sister and told her that I much preferred the original version. The implication being that the CP/SG version was an inferior cover version, that's the joke. And she just looked at me like I was a lost cause.
Whatever, G.

Daydream (j-hope, Hope World, 2018)
The long-awaited Hixtape (that's Hoseok + mixtape) dropped this year and gave us this absolute tune. Best song on the entire mixtape and also blessed up with a little bit of Vocal Hobi towards the end and my god, why won't Hobi sing more?????

So Far Away ft. Suran (Agust D, Agust D, 2016)
Suga also released a mixtape once and this is easily the best song on the entire thing, fite me on this. Again, I think it's because the lyrics resonate with my depressed ass and the whole song has a very dreamlike quality to it. There's also a very nice re-recording from 2017 with Jin and Jungkook.

Change (RM and Wale, 2017)
It's a collab with American rapper dude Wale, the lyrics are in English and I just love it a lot?? I don't have anything meaningful to say here, I just love some of the lyrics here "got no faith in the government, that's why we need each other", indeed.

Crystal Snow (Face Yourself, 2018)
A Japanese exclusive for their latest Japanese album. If I previously thought Run sounded a bit anime, this is like anime up the wazoo, but this time I'm getting massive shoujo vibes. Their Japanese releases have a tendency to be considerably softer and more uwu then their Korean songs.

Mic Drop (Steve Aoki Remix) (2017)
This song bangs hard, that's all I've got. I do enjoy BTS dancing whilst a giant Steve Aoki djs in the background. Also, marvel at RM's complete inability to lipsync, are you even trying man???

Right, I'm gonna draw a line here or else I'm gonna be here for the rest of my short life.

Next time: I'll list some kpop not by BTS. Be prepared.

New Year, New Spreads

In my world, the week will always begin on a Monday. Sunday is part of the weekend and the clue's in the name.

By that logic, I'm still doing good on one 'post at least once a week' thing, if I post this today.

I don't have much in the way of content, so here's some quick, dirty bujo spreads:

I went for a purple theme because the 2018 colour of the year is Ultra Violet. Or something like that.

trying a different layout for a bit. I'll see how I get on with it.

My hands are too cold to keep typing, so bye bye for now!

New Year Resolutions 2018

2017 has ended and I proved to myself yet again my inability to maintain a blog, but it got to the point sometime in November where I just thought "fuck it, it'll be January soon enough" new year, new start and all that.

Not that during my absence I've put any thought into what I want this blog to about, so for now, it'll just be me posting different seemingly unconnected things until I settle into something.

2017 is the first year since my illness where I'm feeling I'm finally getting to who I'm supposed to be. It got off to a rocky start, I ended up back on anti-depressants and my overall physical and mental wellbeing was so astoundingly low, but from June onwards, this year has been so much better for me. 

The biggest thing, when looking back, is my weight or should I say it's no longer the biggest thing about me anymore?

(it probably still is, technically)

Say what you will about diet clubs like Weight Watchers or Slimming World, but since joining Weight Watchers, I've noticed massive changes in myself. The biggest being losing 43lbs, or just over 3st. I still want to lose another 20lbs or so before reaching goal weight, but I'm ready really happy with my progress and like I've said elsewhere, I'm beginning to like who I am.

I've always had issues with self-esteem and most of that stems from the unfortunate truth that I am ugly and have been overweight since puberty. There's not a great deal I can do about the structure of my face, but I can lose weight. I'm starting to look in the mirror and like what I see, I'm not 100% there and there are still days where I still feel I look like a giant sentient potato, but every now and again, there are moments where I think I look good.

Maybe it's the outfit I'm wearing, or I did my makeup particularly well that day or the current lighting is just forgiving, but the combination of all these factors just falling into place makes me think that sometimes, just sometimes, I look alright.

The number of selfies on my phone has increased exponentially over 2017. I should be embarrassed.

I like losing weight, I like liking what I see in the mirror, I like being able to wear smaller dress sizes, I love that my confidence has increased tenfold. And if I get all of this from joining a diet club then what's the problem??

There are other good things that have happened that don't revolve around my appearance, one being my learning of SQL. This time last year I had very minimal knowledge of any sql, I knew you had to select column from table and that was about it that.

Then I was thrown into a business trip down south where my only purpose was to write sql and make reports work. That first morning I was so overwhelmed, I was in over my head, I had no idea what I was doing and I'll admit that. Then something clicked and then I just got it. Since then, I've spent a significant amount of my working hours writing sql, and copy and pasting from Stack Overflow. But I enjoy it, even if it frustrates me sometimes to no end, I love the feeling when I finally get a tricky bit of sql to actually work.

I'm a huge nerd. So sue me.

of course, there have been smaller achievements/good things that have happened this year: I got a new tattoo, got some new ear piercings, learnt to make up better (relatively, I'm still pretty poor) and maybe most importantly, I got a permanent position at work.

Now for my personal resolutions for the new year

My New Years Resolutions for 2018:

Get to goal weight: this year I'm going to be at a healthy weight for the first time since being a teenager, easily. as mentioned above, I've only got 20lbs to go to get to goal and I know I can do it.

Post on here more often: can I go a whole year of posting at least once a month? (because, you know, that by itself will be an improvement from what I'm currently doing) I'm going to try to aim for at least once a week though.

Learn to drive:  my bff and parents bought me driving lessons for Christmas, and my very first lesson is booked in for the 3rd January. I don't know if 12 months is a reasonable time to try and pass my test, but just getting lessons in is a strong start. At the very least, I hope to pass my theory test this year.

Be better

And there we have it, let's hope for better days in 2018.