Not that during my absence I've put any thought into what I want this blog to about, so for now, it'll just be me posting different seemingly unconnected things until I settle into something.
2017 is the first year since my illness where I'm feeling I'm finally getting to who I'm supposed to be. It got off to a rocky start, I ended up back on anti-depressants and my overall physical and mental wellbeing was so astoundingly low, but from June onwards, this year has been so much better for me.
The biggest thing, when looking back, is my weight or should I say it's no longer the biggest thing about me anymore?
(it probably still is, technically)
Say what you will about diet clubs like Weight Watchers or Slimming World, but since joining Weight Watchers, I've noticed massive changes in myself. The biggest being losing 43lbs, or just over 3st. I still want to lose another 20lbs or so before reaching goal weight, but I'm ready really happy with my progress and like I've said elsewhere, I'm beginning to like who I am.
I've always had issues with self-esteem and most of that stems from the unfortunate truth that I am ugly and have been overweight since puberty. There's not a great deal I can do about the structure of my face, but I can lose weight. I'm starting to look in the mirror and like what I see, I'm not 100% there and there are still days where I still feel I look like a giant sentient potato, but every now and again, there are moments where I think I look good.
Maybe it's the outfit I'm wearing, or I did my makeup particularly well that day or the current lighting is just forgiving, but the combination of all these factors just falling into place makes me think that sometimes, just sometimes, I look alright.
The number of selfies on my phone has increased exponentially over 2017. I should be embarrassed.
I like losing weight, I like liking what I see in the mirror, I like being able to wear smaller dress sizes, I love that my confidence has increased tenfold. And if I get all of this from joining a diet club then what's the problem??
There are other good things that have happened that don't revolve around my appearance, one being my learning of SQL. This time last year I had very minimal knowledge of any sql, I knew you had to select column from table and that was about it that.
Then I was thrown into a business trip down south where my only purpose was to write sql and make reports work. That first morning I was so overwhelmed, I was in over my head, I had no idea what I was doing and I'll admit that. Then something clicked and then I just got it. Since then, I've spent a significant amount of my working hours writing sql, and copy and pasting from Stack Overflow. But I enjoy it, even if it frustrates me sometimes to no end, I love the feeling when I finally get a tricky bit of sql to actually work.
I'm a huge nerd. So sue me.
of course, there have been smaller achievements/good things that have happened this year: I got a new tattoo, got some new ear piercings, learnt to make up better (relatively, I'm still pretty poor) and maybe most importantly, I got a permanent position at work.
Now for my personal resolutions for the new year
My New Years Resolutions for 2018:
Get to goal weight: this year I'm going to be at a healthy weight for the first time since being a teenager, easily. as mentioned above, I've only got 20lbs to go to get to goal and I know I can do it.
Post on here more often: can I go a whole year of posting at least once a month? (because, you know, that by itself will be an improvement from what I'm currently doing) I'm going to try to aim for at least once a week though.
Learn to drive: my bff and parents bought me driving lessons for Christmas, and my very first lesson is booked in for the 3rd January. I don't know if 12 months is a reasonable time to try and pass my test, but just getting lessons in is a strong start. At the very least, I hope to pass my theory test this year.
Be better
And there we have it, let's hope for better days in 2018.
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